Gary Booker of Fredericksburg, Texas was detained by local authorities early this week for suggesting the United States of America consider ‘turning the economy back on.’
Witnesses tell The Glorious American that Gary was saying hysterical things like, “We can’t just all not work for 30 weeks,” and “We’re going to have a 60% unemployment rate.” Naturally, the police deemed his comments a public health hazard and have thrown him in jail.
“We’ve been made aware of Mr. Booker’s horrifying comments, and we’ve put him far, far away from society where his dangerous theories can no longer contaminate anyone,” the Police Chief told the public. “Mr. Booker, who owns the Rib Rack BBQ joint, should have done with his mouth what he was ordered to do to his restaurant— SHUT IT UP! All Gary had to do was pay his bills and employees in full for the next year or so, but that was apparently too much to ask.”