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‘Leave My Home Alone!’ Trump Sets Traps As Criminals Attempt Break-In

‘Leave My Home Alone!’ Trump Sets Traps As Criminals Attempt Break-In

After everybody abandoned Donald Trump, the crafty billionaire was left all alone to defend his White House. 

After casing the joint for several years, two ugly criminals finally attempted to break-in.  But the President was ready.

First, Trump set-up a blowtorch over the east wing entrance of the White House.  When the horrible woman tried to sneak in, her head was promptly scorched.

After shrieking in pain, she retreated and dunked her head in some nearby snow.  “Fire?  Is Antifa already here?” she asked in bewilderment.

 “Yessssss!” Trump said slightly kneeling and rapidly pumping his fist.

Next, Trump baited the old demented criminal to come up the stairs by yelling, “I’m up here, you moron!  Come and get me!”

Releasing a large paint can on a rope towards the crook, the old man’s face was clobbered, sending him flying backwards. 

“Ouch!  That was Corn Pop, wasn’t it?!” the old man screamed laying on his back.  “That was either Corn Pop or Hillary!”

For the next hour, the President bashed, smashed, and trashed the duo, leaving them looking more mangled than Jerry Nadler’s pants.   

“Keep the change, ya filthy animals,” Donald Trump yelled after finally dragging the thieves off his property.