WASHINGTON, DC – Another 221,683,092 indictments came down Wednesday, this time on the 63% of Americans who believe the 2020 election was stolen.
“The fringe beliefs held by this small number of outliers are dangerous,” amateur lawyer Jack Smith said. “These people will be rounded up, loaded into trains, and head to Washington, DC. This way, they can get a fair trial of their ideological peers.”
In the lengthy press conference, Smith read aloud the names of all 221 million citizens, among them North Carolina Jiffy Lube technician Anthony Aarons.
“Well, this can’t be good,” Anthony said, watching the TV in the lobby. “It seems myself and everyone I know has committed a rare and unusual crime.”
The news of all their opponents being jailed represents a sad day for elected Democrats, and some are expressing their sorrow.
“How could they question an election?” Hillary Clinton asked. “I always say, once the results of an election roll in, you accept the outcome in a classy way.”
Update: All 221 million citizens are also being indicted for suspecting the judicial system being weaponized.
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