WASHINGTON, DC — An old business card belonging to Hunter Biden has been discovered and was presented to the Jury. The business name is Daddy Inc., and its slogan has doomed any hope Hunter had of a not-guilty verdict.
“Need Something Done? You talk to me, Dad talks to Obama, You give me drug money.”
In an awkward scene, the card was actually handed out to members of the press by Hunter himself.
“You know what?” Hunter began in a confident tone. “These allegations that I used my father’s power for profit are a total conspiracy theory! So, here. Because I have absolutely NOTHING to hide, call me anytime,” He said, handing out the damning card in front of the courthouse.
As members of the press stared at the cards in disbelief, Hunter tried to ease their concerns by telling them he had baked a cake earlier and that the white residue under his nose was just baking flour.
“No, Hunter! What the heck is this?!” CNN’s Jim Acosta yelled. “And do you have any more of that special cake?”
After realizing he had handed out the wrong card, a panicked Hunter screamed a string of obscenities and quickly unleashed accusations that what everyone had just seen was Russian disinformation.
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