WASHINGTON, DC — Because our nation is currently enjoying a peace wave, the FBI had plenty of time to address the rising threat of suburban terrorists posing as soccer moms.
These new terrorists are famous for standing in line and politely asking local school leaders to stop triple masking their children while showing them pornography.
“Wow. They’ve got a lot to learn,” said Attorney General Merrick Garland. “Therefore, effective immediately; we will be sending Antifa leaders in to properly train these animals in the art of peaceful protesting.”
The classes are underway and have delivered mixed results so far.
“So you’re saying I charge the school board leaders with a crowbar if I don’t get my way?” asked a confused Denver mother of three.
“That depends, Linda. Are you a Democrat voter and did the school board support Trump?” the Antifa leader asked.
“No, I think it’s the other way around, actually,” Linda admitted.
“THEN, NO! ARE YOU NUTS?” the leader yelled throwing the dry-erase marker at her face.
“Now, who in the class can tell me why Linda is wrong and I’m going to slash the tires of her RAV4? Anyone?”
Soon it was clear the Antifa leader had taught his class very well. Towards the end of the course, all forty parents charged the masked man and broke a wooden chair over his head. The community center was burnt down, and the school board quickly agreed to their demands.
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