Dr. Anthony Fauci, who has said over four accurate things about the novel coronavirus, took questions from lawmakers on Capitol Hill this week. One of the questions that drew attention was from Senator Rand Paul, who asked the doctor if it was safe to wander around on freeways at night.
“No! Absolutely not—are you kidding me?!” Fauci screamed. But when all the Democrats gave disapproving gasps, the doctor quickly clarified. “Wait—what? I thought you were talking about Hydroxychloroquine! Now that stuff is risky business. But about wandering around on dark freeways, yes, the medical community believes the jury is still very much out on that.”
This is good news for our nation’s protestors who have grown bored with the humdrum sidewalks of our major cities. “We need to go on the freeways because that’s how we bother everybody—err, I mean bring about change,” commented an activist. “We’ve already destroyed the businesses downtown and we hate the thought of people trying to work elsewhere. Or worse, leave the city altogether.”
Update: Using science and data, Dr. Fauci learned that masks must now be worn at all times except while protesting on freeways.