DOJ To Investigate White People Who Rudely Walked In Path of Darrell Brooks' SUV

DOJ To Investigate White People Who Rudely Walked In Path of Darrell Brooks' SUV

On Monday’s I Can’t Reid, MSNBC host, Joy Reid floated a new theory about who’s to blame for last week’s parade tragedy.  

“Listen, folks, we all know how white people are.  Walking around in Sketchers thinkin’ they own the streets.  Then BAM!” Reid yelled, slapping her desk. “They rudely walked in the path of Darrell Brooks’ SUV!  Dented as hell!  Another act of white supremacy.” 

Once Joy Reid’s theory caught the attention of Merrick Garland, he demanded his DOJ open up a massive investigation.

“Looks like the white people are up to their old tricks again,” Garland carefully said, reading his statement. “We have learned that dozens of white Wisconsinites or ‘white Cheddarheads’ as we call them saw the red SUV and figured a person of color owned it.  It was clear they’d been planning this for months. A classic case of reverse hit-and-run.  We’ve not seen this level of domestic terrorism since those moms in Virginia asked if the gay porn could be removed from the second-grade curriculum.”

CNN’s Don Lemon was understandably devastated at the blatant act of racism.

“This news has hit the African-American community hard,” Lemon said, tearing up.  “It hit us like an all-wheel drive, red, four-cylinder Ford Edge with tinted windows and 18-inch alloy wheels.  But the white people at that Christmas parade wouldn’t know that kind of pain.”

Update: On Twitter, #WhosGonnaPayTheDeductible trended while most corporations asked white people to stay home and reflect on what they’ve done.

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