Democrats Rush Back To DC To Legalize Pedophilia Before Maxwell Sentencing

Democrats Rush Back To DC To Legalize Pedophilia Before Maxwell Sentencing

Hours ago, congressional Democrats were in their districts on recess. But now, they’re on red-eye flights back to Washington.

“We have to… shall we say ‘re-prioritize’ our agenda,” Nancy Pelosi said. “A verdict was reached that will likely impact dozens of our party’s members’ relationship with bars. Namely being behind them.”

Pelosi denied her cryptic remarks were in response to Ghislaine Maxwell’s guilty conviction. However, her hastily written bill titled, ‘Please Excuse Democrats’ Objectionable Statutory rape Act (PEDOS), leads many to believe the legislation is trying to excuse democrats from all their objectionable statutory rape.

“This bill, that may or may not legalize pedophilia, is making its way through the Senate floor faster than Bill Clinton at a petting zoo…but instead of animals, they’re 13-year-old gir—ya know what? I’ll just say it’s moving fast,” Chuck Schumer announced. “We can’t build back better if all our bodies are hanging from a prison cell by a thin dryer sheet!  That’s impossible.  We need PEDO to save our democracy!”

As the PEDO Act faces roadblocks, a furious Joe Biden lashed out on the GOP.

“The folks across the aisle are only against the vast legalization of pedophilia because they don’t like the sexual abuse of minors!” Biden yelled. “If they had their way, we’d have zero pedophilia throughout the whole country! Let’s call a spade a spade; the republicans simply don’t like PEDO! How can you not like our great act of PEDO?!”

UPDATE: The Judge overseeing the Ghislaine Maxwell case has denied Barack Obama’s repeated requests to have his name written on the flight logs ‘with all the cool guys.’

[@DistefaD Contributed To This Article.  Follow Him On Twitter!]

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