WASHINGTON, DC — On Monday, New York Democrats brought in Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers to review the Mueller report one last time.
“If they can uncover absolutely anything–ANYTHING we may have overlooked, they’d be doing this nation a great service,” Adam Schiff told The Glorious American. “We need to do this for unity. We need Chip and Dale to unify the bloodthirsty radicle left and the real wackos on the left.”
Some Republicans are calling the move desperate, while others are worried the crime-fighting critters might actually find something damaging about the former president.
Mike Pence is particularly convinced this means trouble for Trump. “I’ve seen every episode of Chip ‘n Dale, and those guys get the job done,” Pence said. “When Zipper landed on my face during the debate, he whispered that Donald Trump did a whole bunch of serious crimes. We just need Chip and Dale to tell us what they were.”
Update: The Rescue Rangers became disinterested in the Mueller report and asked to be reassigned to the case where Mitt Romney put his dog on his car. “That’s more our thing,” Chip explained.
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