Case Closed! Sticky Note Clears Antifa From Arson Suspicion

Case Closed! Sticky Note Clears Antifa From Arson Suspicion

Have you ever, even for a moment, wondered if Antifa was starting fires along the west coast?  No.  You haven’t.  Because Facebook would have immediately banned you for such a thought. 

But if one of your horrible, right-wing friends thinks Antifa is capable of such lawlessness, tell them about the yellow, sticky note found.  The note read, “We would never do something like this” and it has totally exonerated the anarchist group.

“The night before the fires, a huge group of Antifa members had come down from Portland carrying lighter fluid and blowtorches,” Southern Oregon Firefighter, Winston Cote recounted.  “They kept screaming, ‘I swear on everything holy, I will burn this mother down!’  So we thought for sure it was them.  But I guess not.”

“What?  Us?  Starting fires?  Does that sound like something we would do?”  Antifa member, Kyle Swanson explained to the Medford fire chief while mixing a Molotov cocktail for later.  

“Well, why does this empty kerosene can say, ‘Property of Kyle Swanson.  If found, please return’?” the chief asked.    

In the end, the media outlets believed the sticky note to be too conclusive.  Plus the vicious group threatened to peacefully protest, with an extra serving of peaceful if the charges weren’t dropped.

Update:  Antifa has sued the Medford fire department for scuffing up their blowtorches.  

Give Us Story Ideas

Real News Happening Now: