Closing the schools may have officially backfired on union leaders. A new report shows that millions of frustrated parents are retaliating against their local districts by adding the Tucker Carlson Tonight hour to their homeschool curriculums.
“If they want to keep the schools closed, we have no choice but to raise an army of little Tuckers,” said Nashville mother of four, Becky Hathaway. “I dress them all in bowties and they take notes. Plus, after only a few episodes, my kids stopped blaming their dirty rooms on Russia!”
So far, the hour of Tucker Carlson has worked wonders in the Hathaway home as each child now lacks nearly all traces of pomposity and smugness. The children have also stopped calling each other childish names like “stupid” and “doodoo face”, and instead now hurl insults like this:
“Mom! Alex is showcasing a total mediocre ability to think, and that’s being generous!”
“Alex, stop being a neocon!” Becky hollered back to regain order.
As Tucker’s show grows in popularity, many children have begun rounding up all household items made in China and throwing them in the trash.
Update: Many parents are finding that flipping on Jake Tapper is a great way to kick-off recess, as the children will quickly sprint outside to get as far from the television set as possible.