This week it was learned that Bernie Sanders has been repeatedly calling our top scientists working on the COVID-19 vaccine and reminding them that ‘healthcare was a human right.’
“Well, things would be going a lot faster if that old socialist would stop calling us every five minutes!” yelled a microbiologist. “Every time we pick up the phone it’s ‘HELLO?? Where’s our cure?! Healthcare is a human RIGHT—you fools!’ We’re sick of Sanders harassing us!”
On one voicemail, Sanders even finished with a loud, “…so get it made. AND I MEAN NOW, SLAVES!”
Sanders, who has been rumored to be terrified of catching coronavirus, is unapologetic about his phone calls.
“Let me say this slowly so those IDIOT scientists can understand it,” a furious Bernie told The Glorious American. “I explicitly wrote in my bill that all healthcare should be free and the necessary cures and vaccines would… ya know, be here already. And I should know—I WROTE THE DAMN BILL!”
Reportedly, the scientists got so annoyed with Sanders they began toying with him. “Yeah, I finally answered his call and said, ‘We’ve done it, Bernie! We got the cure! But it’ll cost people $100,’ ya know, just to hear him freak out,” one of the doctors explained. “But, to our surprise, he was calm and then asked how much it would cost for democratic socialist senators. A bit confused I answered, ‘also $100’ and then he blew his lid. Every swear word in the book until it sounded like he blacked out.”