BERKELEY, CA– Since there aren’t any problems to speak of in America, prominent Democrats have been hard at work creating ‘Ultimate Gender,’ a gender that combines all known genders like at the end of every Power Rangers episode.
“With Ultra MAGA lurking, we felt we needed to build the swiss army knife of genitalia,” Pete Buttigieg said Thursday. “Soon Democrat voters will no longer have to fumble with sixty-two genders. They’ll simply shout ‘ultimate gender!’ and they’ll be set up to conquer all of life’s greatest challenges.”
While a prototype is rumored to be available before the midterms, scientists are warning: It’s not a cure-all.
“If someone who identifies as UG encounters a white male, for example, they’ll be utterly defenseless,” Dr. Fauci warned. “I guess you can throw on a mask, but science has only come so far.”
And that’s not the only hang-up. Transitioning to Ultimate Gender will include the challenge of finding a bathing suit.
“Just cut a hole in a shower curtain and wear that until we figure out what the hell is going on,” Bernie Sanders yelled while flapping his hands like a bird.
Related Op-Ed: We Hear COVID Has Killed Thousands Of Women & Men. But What About The Other 62 Genders? By Libby McTardo
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