Pfizer Boasts New Birth Control Pill For Men Has 100% Effectiveness

Pfizer Boasts New Birth Control Pill For Men Has 100% Effectiveness

ANDOVER, MA– On Thursday, Pfizer announced it had concluded Phase 3 of clinical trials on their new pill, DaCocknbaulz, a revolutionary new drug designed to prevent males from becoming pregnant. 

The oral medication has proven to be 100% effective, a first in the pharmaceutical industry.

“Yep.  Once this pill is distributed, we can guarantee you have a zero percent risk of conceiving a child if you have DaCocknbaulz.  Biological males can now focus all their energy on their sexual urges.  Gone are the days of fearing a pesky baby will begin growing in their womb.  This is going to change everything,” CEO, Albert Bourla boasted. 

Since the announcement, men all over the globe are making sure to have DaCocknbaulz.

“I demanded my doctor hand me DaCocknbaulz and he just started laughing at me,” Bobby in Phoenix reported.  “But he told me the pack of Skittles in the hospital gift shop are the generic brand, and they also have a 100% effectiveness.  So I think I’m good.  I’ll take the DaCocknbaulz any way I can get them.

After the White House purchased 2 billion units of this miracle pill, many assumed it would soon be made mandatory.

“Waaa?  No, these are all for Hunter,” Joe Biden said.  “My little Hunty has some habits that make him high-risk for pregnancy, so… it’s science.”

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