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Obama Tearfully Applauds Coronavirus For Making Everyone Look Unemployed

Obama Tearfully Applauds Coronavirus For Making Everyone Look Unemployed

Last week, a tearful Obama praised the dreaded coronavirus for accomplishing something he tried his hardest to do himself:  Make everyone unemployed. 

Technically, nearly all Americans have full employment.  But as Obama put it, “Yeah, but they’re looking like I’d always hoped,” he said choking up with emotion.    

“Ya know, there’s takers and there’s makers,” Obama elaborated.  “The makers—they’re always causing trouble by hustling around and firing off their AR15s into the air while not voting for me.  But… those takers.  Now they’re something special.  You can always tell a taker.  Sprawled out on the couch, starting Facebook fights with their uncles.  So right now, because of that little virus it looks like a sea of my people strewn across this immoral nation.  I’m so proud of that little guy.”

After composing himself, the former president said that had he known coronavirus would be this effective, he would have made it head of Department of Labor.