WASHINGTON, DC – Mitch McConnell froze on live television for over a minute while struggling to remember which party he represents. This was the second time in 30 days the 102-year-old Senator displayed such political prowess.
“I stand here this afternoon firmly committed to my Democr—errr, Republi… uh. Now who in the hell do I..” a frustrated McConnell said before his eyes glazed over and apparently quit living.
“It was like his soul left his body,” a CSPAN cameraman commented. “Like a Roomba that got firmly stuck under a couch. He just lost power and energy. Made Joe Biden look like Mick Jagger for a second.”
McConnell’s defenders claim he did not forget his party, but rather, the spry Senator ‘pulled a Nadler.’
“We all poop our pants while CSPAN films us,” John Cornyn explained. “It’s totally normal. I’m sure a distinguished Chinese leader is taking a hot dump in his pants live on air right now.”
Update: McConnell is now claiming to be in good health, and he now remembers he is firmly committed to the Ukrainian people.
Give Us Story Ideas
