After the Make-A-Wish Foundation learned presidential candidate, Joe Biden was bravely battling dementia, the organization decided to grant him one wish.
Joe immediately wished for a cheeseburger but his wife, Jill insisted on redirecting the wish. After a small amount of paperwork, the nation was alerted that Joe Biden has been granted the presidency of the United States.
“Fig Newtons for everybody!—especially you!” Joe Biden yelled to a reflection of himself.
Upon hearing the news, the media was delighted to skip the pesky election, and euphoric to kick Donald Trump out of office.
“I don’t think I’ll be leaving office, no. No chance,” Trump commented after hearing the news. “But it is nice everyone is finally admitting Joe needs help upstairs. Needs alotta help. People are saying the gooey fruit filling of too many Fig Newtons has rotted his brain.”
“YOU WILL HONOR THE MAKE-A-WISH DECREE!” Shouted members of a furious press core.
Update: A 15-minute phone call between the President and Biden resulted in a compromise in which Joe accepted a cheeseburger.