Despite telling everyone to stay home, Dr. Deborah Birx was caught hosting a massive ‘Stay Home’ concert in Maryland. The event, which offered a ‘90-year-olds get in free’ promotion, was a massive success as thousands packed the venue.
“Ya know what I just can’t stand?!” Birx screamed into the mic as the crowd replied, “What?”
“Oh, common. Is that all you got? I wanna feel the heat from your screams!” she instructed. “Now, ya’ll want to know what I can’t stand? It’s those backwards, stupid rednecks who can’t just stay home! I mean, how reckless are those fools—Am I right?”
The crowd erupted as Dr. Birx began galloping around the stage waving her scarf in one hand and smacking her rear-end with the other.
The concert, which was being aired on HBO, caught the attention of some nosey, anti-science conservatives. Birx was forced to make a public statement on the matter.
“Making me give this apology is so dangerous,” the irritated doctor said. “This microphone is probably dripping with COVID! Besides, who among us hasn’t accidentally hosted a major in-door concert during these trying times?”
Update: Dr. Birx was so annoyed at her situation, she demanded her local gym be opened to her and both sets of grandparents can blow off some steam.