That was fast. After doctors voiced concerns that COVID-19 might lead to erectile dysfunction, only forty-two seconds passed before a team of exhausted men ran to a microphone announcing they had discovered the vaccine.
Holding a beaker filled with a blue liquid, a doctor yelled, “Done! We did it,” before throwing it back into his mouth like it was Gatorade. As the press conference continued, many of the other doctors fought over the other container filled with the blue vaccine.
One reporter asked the question on everyone’s mind, America was prepared to wait eighteen months for the vaccine. How did they create it so fast?
“Well, we knew there was a lot of pain and suffering out there, but we just got scared for our Johnsons—errr, Boris Johnson! He was sick,” A doctor clarified in a panic. “We just became very concerned that the world’s Boris Johnsons would be in danger.”
While it was a joyous day for the world, fellow microbiologist Deborah Adams reported the process felt “unprofessional” and “rushed.” “I kept telling those guys, ‘shouldn’t we slow down? Do some testing and get this right?’ But they just kept screaming at me how there was ‘no time!’” Despite Deborah losing both her parents and husband to the virus, she was reportedly told to “get out of the way” because she “had nothing to lose!”