After the CDC suggested the possible need to avoid the workplace to reduce the risk of catching the coronavirus, the nation’s Democrats are turning in a brilliant performance of abandoning their jobs.
“We’ve never seen this kind of dedication to disease prevention,” praised a CDC official. “Democrats everywhere are avoiding work at normal to slightly-above-normal rates. In fact, Democrats seem so determined to prevent the spread of Covid-19, we’re seeing most stay home who haven’t even come within 3,000 miles of a Covid-19 case!”
Even at the CDC headquarters in Atlanta, part-time janitorial worker, Brian Daniels (an open Bernie Sanders supporter), sacrificed the satisfying joy of a hard day’s work to help thwart the illness by staying home.
The Glorious American called Daniels to thank him for his bravery. However, he pretended to not know “what the sweet [explicit]” we were talking about. Daniels also reported that he was “out of Corona” and asked if he could borrow forty dollars. While it was a puzzling phone call, we can assume it was just the side effects of cabin fever.
Some within the CDC believe Brian Daniels may have had some type of prophetic instinct about the coronavirus.
“Yeah, we hired Brian five months before the outbreak and he hardly showed up then either. Amazing intuition,” marveled his manager.