After confirming with Dr. Birx, it’s official. The entire Democrat party and its members have reached herd immunity against common decency. This achievement had been close for months but wasn’t official until last week.
“When Obama thought John Lewis’ funeral was a good place to argue against keeping the filibuster,” Birx said. “That’s when I knew. They’ve reached that rare place where everyone’s now safe. Not a single democrat needs to worry about ever being a respectable, decent person again.”
Once the Democrat leadership heard Dr. Birx’s remarks, they quickly gathered on the Capitol Building steps and began a massive celebration.
“NO! THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING!” Dr. Birx yelled at them over the sound of fireworks. However, none of them listened. They were too busy rejoicing their newfound assurance that no one ever needed to pretend to be decent again.
“You brought out the ‘mission accomplished’ sign for this? No!” Birx yelled in disgust.
“Finally! We can take off our masks!” Chuck Schumer yelled pumping his fist! “I want to nuke Israel and jail everyone to the right of Ilhan Omar! Now pass me some of that delicious crack cocaine!”
Obama, who seemed the most thankful for the new heard immunity, teared up, and announced how happy he was to ‘finally share Michelle’s massive secret’ with the world. But Dr. Birx quickly stepped in and explained that modern medicine had only come so far. “We still need to keep that a secret Barrack,” she whispered to him.