ANAHEIM, CA, –Since Disneyland reopened, the theme park staff has noticed a bewildering pattern of liberal democrats lining up for defective rides.
“Ok, folks, this is the fourth time we’ve been over this,” a Disneyland employee yelled to the flock. “You can clearly see the Matterhorn doesn’t work, right? Aren’t you all curious why nothing is happening? Let’s go. Move on with your lives.”
As usual, this type of talk was met with a mostly peaceful protest that left several Disneyland employees badly beaten.
“Jimmy Kimmel and Joe Biden said this ride works! And they’re the smartest people I know, dammit!” a furious liberal yelled. “I’ve ridden it three times and—well, sure I didn’t have fun, but it helped others around me have fun, that’s for sure!”
Despite the long and uneventful line, it seems the democrats were really enjoying berating and complaining towards other Disneyland guests who were minding their own business.
“Oh! I get it! You don’t believe in rides, right? You two are really ignorant!” a 400lb woman was heard yelling at a young couple.
“No. We love rides. It’s just…we like ones that work,” they explained.
Update: Riding the Matterhorn has been made mandatory.
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