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Chris Cuomo’s Doctor: ‘If Criticizing CNN Is A Symptom, Billions Are Infected’

Chris Cuomo’s Doctor: ‘If Criticizing CNN Is A Symptom, Billions Are Infected’

After the CNN host was diagnosed with coronavirus, he mysteriously began criticizing his network.

“I don’t like what I do professionally,” Cuomo said Monday on SiriusXM. 
“What I do professionally is even worse than what I do personally.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to pretend to like Don Lemon every day?  It’s hell,” he said doing a thousand-yard stare.  “They force all of us to hyperventilate over everything Trump does.  CNN owns most of the country’s ventilators–a lot of people don’t know that.”

Now, Chris Cuomo’s doctor is offering some grim news.  Because these comments are so unusual for Chris, his doctor believes thinking ‘CNN sucks’ is a symptom of the illness.

“And if I’m correct, I feel billions might be infected,” his doctor told The Glorious American.  “The pizza delivery guy, my mother—everyone I see is saying things like, ‘CNN is trash’ and ‘I think Brian Stelter is the clown from IT’ I’m pretty sure this virus has infected everybody!”  

Update: During the last White House press briefing, Cuomo’s doctor watched in panic as none-other than President Trump himself also began mocking CNN.