On Monday CDC director, Rochelle Walensky admitted that all hospitals and pharmacies used the ‘Which Friends character are you?’ test to determine whether a person had contracted COVID-19. All Monicas, Chandlers, Rosses, and Pheobes were positive. Joeys and Rachels were negative, and any Gunthers were given a bleach IV drip.
In New York, it was learned that all Chandlers were sent to nursing homes to die.
Their cries of, “Can this decision be any more reckless?” still haunts many senior living staffers.
“We got this one wrong,” the director admitted. “But everyone was so stressed out and acting like a bunch of Monicas! Thankfully, no harm was done, and we had a lot of fun. Oh, before I forget—school is canceled through 2026. We cool?”
The admission has Americans everywhere scrambling.
“I’d better not have been marked as Ross!” one citizen was heard yelling through the glass to his pharmacist. “I’m NOT that whiny! Why won’t you talk to me?”
Update: The CDC is regrettably alerting all the Pheobes who felt ‘floopy’ during their test to consult their primary physician immediately.
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