Pfizer was not too happy with Joe Biden on Monday after he began softly weeping due to misplacing his trusty mask. Speaking at a ceremony intended to reduce vaccine hesitancy, a fully vaccinated Biden approached the podium and started to panic.
“Oh, no. Son of a dog-faced pony, I can’t find my mask!” Biden screamed patting himself down so quickly it looked like he was doing the Macarena. “I can’t believe it’s finally happening!”
Dr. Jill MD then ran over to Joe to calm him, but it was too late. Biden had hung his head and was weeping.
“I’m gonna die, aren’t I? I just know I’m gonna die,” Biden said loudly into the hot microphone. “Damn this COVID! You forget your mask just once and you’re dead meat! If only science had made something to prevent this slow death.”
The audience then grew very uncomfortable as Joe leaned further towards the microphone, making his weeping extremely loud. Under his breath, the speakers loudly blared him muttering “I’m in trouble now. They specifically told me not to die.”
But soon Joe yelled, “Oh, God love ya! It was in my hand the whole time!” as he sheepishly wiped his tears away. “Now, c’mon man, I need everyone to get that vaccine! The peace and reassurance it gives you is so fantastic.”