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Alec Baldwin Offered Over 2,000 Roles After Oscars Require Handicapped Actors

Alec Baldwin Offered Over 2,000 Roles After Oscars Require Handicapped Actors

On Tuesday Hollywood was abuzz after the Academy of Motion Pictures announced new diversity requirements. And so was Alec Baldwin’s phone.

Beginning in 2022, one of the requirements a film must satisfy to become Oscar-eligible is the inclusion of handicapped actors.  Immediately, studio executives scrambled to call America’s favorite handicapped star, Alec Baldwin.

“What can I say? I’m in huge demand,” Baldwin said doing his best to manage his limitations.  “In the last hour, I was offered the lead in Alf, Batman and Boom Goes The Schum: The Chuck Schumer Story.

While Baldwin’s clear mental handicap is sure to satisfy the Academy, each film must also showcase at least one North Korean, four burn victims and twelve sock puppets who occasionally pop on screen to narrate.

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Many studios have also asked if Jimmy Kimmel can count as an African-American due to his lengthy experience with blackface.

“If blackface actors are eligible, we’ll be back to thousands of options and that would be a huge help,” a spokesperson from Paramount said.

Update:  While doing a table read for Alf, Baldwin learned that Matt Damon would be co-starring.  “Smart.  Checking the handicap box,” Alec whispered to the casting director.