After a great deal of prayer, a tearful Nancy Pelosi has been calling Walter Reed Hospital and instructing the doctors to ‘pull the plug’ on Donald Trump after he contracted COVID-19.
A receptionist at the hospital confirmed that Pelosi has called roughly fifty times, and at one point did a Dr. Fauci impression to make her demands sound more official.
“As a woman so devoted to my Catholic faith, I know the Quran tells us to be compassionate,” Pelosi explained. “So it’s with a heavy heart we say goodbye to Donald Trump and Mike Pence in due time. But definitely before lunch. I have a blowout at two.”
When asked why Pence should also be euthanized, Pelosi explained that it would be cruel to have the VP go on without ‘Papa Bear’. “I think that’s what Mike calls him”.
Update: After the hospital told Pelosi to stop calling, she paid a nurse to run through the President’s room and unplug any cord they could grab. When a nurse actually did this, Donald Trump reportedly arched his back and yelled loudly. After the President was reassured that only the TV was unplugged, Trump replied, “I know! I was watching Fox & Friends! I need that back on!”