After testing negative for COVID-19, three-time NBA All-Star, Burt “The Blur” Rooney is recovering nicely in his Queens apartment. At least, that’s who he told the hospital he was.
“Awe, phooey!” Burt said waving his hand in disgust. “I ain’t no NBA All-Star. They wouldn’t test me. But then my grandson told me to dress up as a darn New York Knick.”
Burt’s grandson was right. And the hospital is admitting it.
“Yeah, at first I was like, ‘Ew, gross! Why is this non-celebrity bothering me’!” said a Doctor at St. Anthony Clinic. “I followed hospital protocol to withhold medical care unless it was determined he was famous. Then I politely asked him to get his bag of bones off the property before I call the police.”
But an hour later Burt’s grandson began walking the old man, now dressed in a Knicks jersey, through the entrance while screaming “OUTTA THE WAY! I GOT NBA ALL-STAR, BURT ‘THE BLUR’ ROONEY. WE THINK HE’S ABSOLUTELY CRAWLING WITH THE CORONAVIRUS!”
Upon the medical staff hearing an NBA player was in need, they sprang into action. One doctor actually stopped a risky heart operation to offer his room for the NBA star. “Oh, you want this room? I can grab a burger and finish this later,” he generously offered.
After the dust settled, St. Anthony Clinic released the following statement:
“We are embarrassed by our actions with Burt. We are saddened and humiliated we wasted a perfectly good test kit on a stupid, old man. We thought he was in the NBA and that his decrepit look was from the virus. We now know, before more tests are issued, our staff must thoroughly search for an NBA player’s highlight mix on YouTube before any care is extended.