PORTLAND, OR– If Texas thought it could secure its border and pass anti-abortion legislation without any consequences, they were deeply mistaken. As punishment for trying to protect the border and babies, local lawmakers in what’s left of Oregon voted 11-0 to prohibit Texas men from having any sexual relations with Portland women.
The bill titled ‘Snatch Back Our Snatch’ took effect at midnight, and TV cameras were there to capture Portland’s menstruation community reveling in their win.
“What now, Texas? Looks like you’ll never be getting all of this!” a heavy-set woman with blue hair yelled, showcasing her massive rear end to the cameras. “The answer is NO!”
When the men of Texas saw the footage from Portland, they were mostly confused.
“So this Oregon bill says…we’re not allowed to… operate that large Volkswagen?” a bewildered man asked, not knowing he was looking at a woman on the TV. “We accept these terms.”
Also in the law is a ban on Portland’s ability to export goods and services to the state of Texas. This means the Loan Star state could be without the following:
• Double-decker cat strollers
• Roll-on mustard-flavored deodorant
• An App that turns your iPhone into a grenade if too much masculinity is detected in the air
• HD streaming of Portland-based ESPN+Trans
• Duck-Muzzles (exactly what it sounds like)
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