America Turns To CNN On Night Where Goal Is To Drop The Ball

America Turns To CNN On Night Where Goal Is To Drop The Ball

CNN’s New Year’s special titled, “2020: That Oughta Do It!” was dedicated to the network’s amazing progress towards destroying the nation.  It trounced all the other broadcasts in the ratings as CNN has become ground zero for people dropping the ball.  Viewers turned to CNN in droves, resulting in the network’s equipment overheating and eventually catching fire.

“I honestly haven’t seen CNN since my layover in Phoenix last year,” Paul Harrison told The Glorious American. “But their team got so much experience dropping the ball with the whole Russia hoax, it was an easy call.”

Although CNN is basking in their rating success, the night was not without its problems. Most glaring was their decision to cut away from the countdown with the following exchange:

“Ok, here we go!” a giddy Anderson Cooper squealed. “10! 9! 8! 7! –but you know what?” Cooper suddenly said in a thoughtful tone. “I wonder if, while we’re all counting down, we’re missing the real story here. And that is; how dangerous Trump supporters are to our democracy?”

Seconds later, a series of fireworks and shouting derailed the GOP-bashing segment and Cooper screamed, “It’s happening!  I think Trump’s bombing us!”

Update: Jake Tapper has issued an apology for stripping and screaming, “Yeah, baby! Who’s the immature idiot now, Trump?!” into the camera.