On Friday, the Department of Labor released names of the six unemployed Americans actively looking for work. “This unusual announcement was due to how low the unemployment rate has fallen and we thought this would just be easier,” said Labor Secretary Ray Harris.
As the economy continues to roar, the following citizens are the last six who are looking for work but are unable to land a job:
- Clint Brown
- George Newton
- Rebecca Bell
- Derek Baldwin
- Sebastian LandryBlake Haslet
“We’re happy we’re down to just six, but this is a weird bunch,” Secretary Harris said. “With a mixture of bad breath, sword-wielding and general douchebaggery, we do not believe any economy could or should include these six.”
Hours after Friday’s announcement, a pro-Trump appliance company tried to hire the six Americans to officially give the administration a 0% unemployment rate, but all were quickly fired for trying to microwave tuna fish in the break room.