Minneapolis, MN– As America’s economy teeters, the US Treasury has finally made the announcement that many were anticipating: My Pillow will officially replace the dollar as US currency.
“Well, I think the dollar had a good run, but when you look at what we inherited from the former administration, we were rudely left with nowhere to go but down. Plus the dollar was being a total racist lately” Jen Psaki told the press. “We need the nation’s smart people to trust something with intrinsic value again. Something that’s recognized like a valuable gem over the globe. So yes, it’ll be MyPillow. Also, it’s perhaps the fluffiest currency ever. Another first for Joe Biden.”
Government officials are encouraging banks to throw any physical dollars in a shedder and begin cramming hundreds of My Pillows into their vaults.
To get an idea of how our new reality will look, The Glorious American can report the following prices:
· Snickers Bar: 1 My Pillow
· 3 Bedrooms, 2.5 Bath, 2,500sf House in Spokane, WA: 525,000 My Pillows (or 209,000 My Pillow Mattress Toppers)
· My Pillow Classic / Queen double-pack: 2 My Pillows
Update: Mike Lindell is now being accused of ‘overstuffing’, a tactic that can lead to inflation. He has been fined 4 king sets of Giza sheets and is being closely monitored by the US Treasury.
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