Inflation is getting so high even Hunter Biden is worried. But his father has already determined why it’s happening.
“Look, we all know what’s going on here, folks,” Joe Biden began. “It was a Trump-supporting pangolin who set off a chain reaction that my administration is now dealing with. I think he was licking himself or something and that really spooked the dollar.”
The pangolin responsible for the debacle was identified and the media swarmed around it demanding answers. But the reckless animal slowly curled up into a ball–a clear sign of guilt.
“Show your face!” Biden screamed at the animal. “I want to know two things. One, how could you devalue the dollar so much? And two, what do you smell like? Avocados? Come here, let ol’ sniffy do his thing. Don’t fight it.”
Facebook has announced that wild, unhinged conspiracy theories about how printing $63 trillion extra dollars caused the inflation will be banned.
“No, it was that damn pangolin, I just know it. Facebook has a knack for knowing what’s true,” Zuckerberg announced. “Any comment not blaming the pangolin will be removed. I don’t care if you’re commenting on a picture of your nephew’s first steps, at this time we need all comments to only slander that scaly son of a [explicit]!”
Update: A White House source has told CNN the same pangolin is also responsible for the 600% uptick in murder.