In what many are calling overly generous, the Biden administration is mailing struggling Americans a 2’ x 3’ sheet of plywood in place of stimulus cash.
With plywood only days away from becoming more valuable than gold, the decision might be a brilliant one.
“Jen, why plywood? Why not give Americans regular dollars?” a reporter asked Jen Psaki.
“What’s a dollar?” Psaki asked before quickly correcting herself. “Oh! Umm. Well, we just feel Americans need something that’s actually worth a sh—I mean. Ya know what? I think I’m going to circle back on that one.”
The IRS has already sent out more than 120 million sheets of plywood, and economists are already asking; if we’re paying people to stay home and collect plywood, will they ever reenter the workforce?
“Nah, I don’t think so. Why would I ever work again?” Dan Phillips said proudly holding up his plywood. “People give Joe Biden a lot of grief, but he actually delivered on his promise to inflate the cost of consumer goods 200%. I don’t know what to say, except— to the moon!”
Update: Talks of another stimulus in the form of gas in a small Dixie cup are well underway in Washington.