,

New Biden Stimulus Just Sheet Of Plywood

New Biden Stimulus Just Sheet Of Plywood

In what many are calling overly generous, the Biden administration is mailing struggling Americans a 2’ x 3’ sheet of plywood in place of stimulus cash.

With plywood only days away from becoming more valuable than gold, the decision might be a brilliant one.

“Jen, why plywood?  Why not give Americans regular dollars?” a reporter asked Jen Psaki. 

“What’s a dollar?” Psaki asked before quickly correcting herself.  “Oh! Umm.  Well, we just feel Americans need something that’s actually worth a sh—I mean.  Ya know what?  I think I’m going to circle back on that one.”   

The IRS has already sent out more than 120 million sheets of plywood, and economists are already asking; if we’re paying people to stay home and collect plywood, will they ever reenter the workforce?

“Nah, I don’t think so.  Why would I ever work again?” Dan Phillips said proudly holding up his plywood.  “People give Joe Biden a lot of grief, but he actually delivered on his promise to inflate the cost of consumer goods 200%.  I don’t know what to say, except— to the moon!”

Update:  Talks of another stimulus in the form of gas in a small Dixie cup are well underway in Washington.