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CNN Furious After Closer Look At Nick Sandmann’s Hat

CNN Furious After Closer Look At Nick Sandmann’s Hat

It looks like CNN was successful in getting Nick Sandmann to finally take off his MAGA hat, but they’re none too pleased with what he replaced it with. 

During his RNC speech, Nick Sandmann appeared to put on a regular MAGA hat.  However, upon closer look, the young man’s hat actually read:  “CNN, MAKE YOUR PAYMENTS TO ME ON TIME AGAIN.”

Seconds after this news broke, residents heard intense screaming coming from Jeff Zucker’s luxury apartment building.

“I just heard him screaming the F word over and over.  My walls were shaking and I live in the building next door!” said neighbor, Linda Anderson.  “He just kept screaming things like, ‘how was I—the smartest man in media, beat by a 16-year-old kid?!”

Employees at CNN are desperately trying to keep the deleted scenes from Nick Sandmann’s speech hidden from Zucker.  Especially the part of the video where Nick drove up in a Lamborghini. 

“I don’t always speak on CNN, but when I do, I do so as their highest-paid employee,” Sandmann said whipping off his sunglasses.  “Oh, and one more thing.  I left CNN about $200 to their name.  Watch your mouths or I’ll be coming back for that too.”