These are dark times for many Americans, but not NBC legend, Brian Williams. After spending close to an hour calculating the math, Williams is thrilled to discover his $1,200 stimulus check will cover the $2 million balance of his home’s mortgage.
“It’s an incredible way of putting it,” Williams said holding up a legal pad filled with chicken scratch math. I owe a little more than $2 million on my Connecticut house. But the day my $1,200 check shows up, I’m going waltz on down to the bank and hand that puppy to the teller. She’ll say something like, ‘Welp, that’ll do it!’ as she slides me over the deed to the house. And according to my calculations, I should even have enough left over for a ‘gotta have it’ size Cold Stone Ice-cream!”
Williams, who’s been a staunch opponent of Trump, says he still won’t support him despite his miraculous stimulus gift.
“He’s an idiot!” Williams yelled. “The thing about Trump is that he’s not intelligent. If I had a dollar for every time he’s said something stupid, I’d have like… 85 pennies!”
Update: After crunching some more numbers, Williams is now euphoric to learn he can also buy his own Cold Stone Ice–cream franchise with his stimulus check.