For those complaining that Michael Bloomberg has been avoiding the scrutiny of the press, you can relax. Today, the New York billionaire announced he is deploying his very own army of state-of-the-art press robots. “Should I ever need to be held accountable, these press-bots would step in and hold my feet to the fire,” Bloomberg…
Category: Media & Tech
Juan Williams Renews Deal With Fox News to Be Complete Idiot For 5 More Years
Juan Williams has signed a five-year extension with Fox News to be a complete idiot the news giant reported this week. Fox News released a statement explaining how important Williams is to the network, particularly The Five. “The Five is about showing the perspective of all Americans. And because a ton of Americans are complete…
Biden Says Over 900 Words, Nation Eagerly Waits for Media to Put Them in Correct Order
In the recent press breifing, Joe Biden squinted carefully and with great focus, managed to say over 900 words. That was the good news. Unfortunately for the dozen viewers, most of the words were in random order. Reports are the media has been working through the night to piece them all into their correct order.…
Hollywood Using Facial Recognition Technology To Determine Who Laughed At Old Ricky Gervais Monologue
Many Hollywood agencies have deployed special technology to determine exactly which celebrities thought Ricky Gervais’ monologue was funny. Sources are telling The Glorious American that whoever is seen laughing or smiling at the routine will be dismissed from any current acting gig and will be blackballed immediately. Already we can report that Jennifer Aniston can…