With Corn Pop Defeated, Biden Vows To Conquer Count Chocula

With Corn Pop Defeated, Biden Vows To Conquer Count Chocula

WASHINGTON, DC –In a rousing speech, fictional President, Joe Biden reminded the nation it was he who toppled Corn Pop. Then the highest ranking dementia patient raised the stakes.

“As Presidufratua, I GUARANTEE my administration will finally get Count Chocula too!” Biden yelled into the microphone causing all nine people to erupt in applause.

“It’s been said many times, but it’s true, Count Chocula is our modern-day Osama Bin Laden,” Biden whispered in a serious tone.

At that time, an audience member loudly reminded Biden that he was against the raid that finally captured Bin Laden.

“Yeah, but I’d definitely get this chocolate bastard,” Biden replied. “The huge quantities of sugar he’s inflicted upon our nation’s youth. Are you kidding me? You just give me the chance, and WHAMMOOO!!” he yelled as he tried miming a violent air punch but inadvertently made contact with a small child.

UPDATE: The child was treated at the scene, and her parents were quick to forgive Biden. “When you understand the usual way he interacts with children, we’ll take a punch to the face any day of the week,” the father commented.

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