WASHINGTON, D.C.–If you think a national food shortage could be a problem, you’re probably setting up folding chairs and the refreshment table for your local Qanon meeting at this very moment. At least, that’s what the White House is saying.
After most Americans noticed the empty shelves in their local grocery store, this administration unveiled ‘The Joe Biden Diet.’
“This unique weight loss program, inspired by the most popular president in human history, is strategically targeted towards Americans who like to buy food,” Karine Jean-Pierre said Thursday. “Using the latest science and top nutritionists, The Joe Biden Diet will carefully manage your calories and trans fat intake by keeping all that stuff in ships off the port of Los Angeles.”
“With other weight loss programs, you just end up putting the weight right back on. But not with The Joe Biden Diet. In fact, we guarantee you’ll keep the weight off until 2024. And just imagine your new body in a bathing suit in the unlikely scenario Democrat-run coastal cities allow you to go to the beach!”
Suburban moms, who are still basking in their wise decision to vote out a mean guy, are giving mixed reviews to the diet program.
“We should have a type of system where we decide who runs the country every four years or so. And we shouldn’t pick the kind that causes food shortages,” a Georgia mother of three said, looking at the empty shelves.
Update: That mother and her children took a page out of Venezuela’s book and had a great meal at the Atlanta Zoo.
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