White House Appoints Hunter Biden As Crack Pipe Czar

White House Appoints Hunter Biden As Crack Pipe Czar

WASHINGTON, D.C.–The White House has named Hunter Biden as point person in the administration’s effort to raise the usage of cocaine and heroin across America.

Standing under a large banner he made with crayons reading: D.A.R.E. (Drugs Are Really Essential), Hunter got visibly emotional while accepting the great responsibility of distributing millions of crack pipes to both young and old.

“It really warms my heart that my dad would pick me. I mean that. It warms my heart like a spoon over a flame that’s filled with cra–ya know what? I’ll just say I’m thankful,” Hunter said. “But I can tell you this much; I plan on putting the ‘fun’ back in government-funded drug paraphernalia.”

Critics are claiming Nepotism was afoot with this appointment but the president quickly shot that accusation down.

“Listen, Jack, leave my foot out of this,” Joe snapped. “This hire was actually very difficult. For one thing, when it comes to crack pipes, Hunter is so overqualified we didn’t think he’d take the job. Plus his other jobs paid him tens of millions minus 10%.”

Operation The Candy Man Can is now underway and Hunter has ordered the first twenty-five pallets of crack pipes be immediately sent to his Malibu condo for inspection.

[@DistefaD Contributed To This Article. Follow Him On Twitter!]

Give Us Story Ideas

Real News Happening Now: