WASHINGTON, DC — Concerns are high among Democrats after a disappointing practice debate saw Joe Biden get absolutely walloped by a Swiffer Mop. Even worse, the two eventually had to be separated.
In his first practice answer, Biden explained that as a young man he was ‘so handsey’ Scranton, Pennsylvania was forced to completely ban all velour fabric. “But Corn Pop and I couldn’t be stopped!” he said throwing his head back laughing.
“Mr. Biden, I only asked you how you were doing today” a stunned aid replied. “Not only does that answer reinforce the notion that you’re an unstoppable molester, we will need to consider Swiffer the winner of that exchange.”
At one point in the debate, Biden was asked a question, but he remained silent, straightened his back, and put his hands to his side. After remaining motionless for minutes, the on-hand doctor examined the former VP. “He thinks he’s the mop,” the doctor said.
The practice debate wasn’t a complete loss, according to campaign officials. “We now know that Joe has three main pitfalls we can work on. One, we need to keep his racial slurs to a minimum. Two, we can limit his tendency to admit to committing serious crimes. And finally, Joe needs to remember who and where he is.”
Update: Biden has admitted that he lost the practice debate and rhetorically asked, “But why did Swiffer have to be so mean to me?”
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