WASHINGTON, DC — A new report shows that dog-faced pony soldiers are extremely motivated to vote against Joe Biden and the Democrats after he famously slandered their once pristine reputation during a 2019 town hall Q&A.
“We laid low for so many years, not bothering anyone. And now, thanks to Biden, we’re a synonym for liars!” growled decorated dog-faced pony, Lieutenant Duke Biscuit. “That old commie is always sneaking up behind people and molesting them—I dare him to try and sneak up behind a well-trained DFP! We’ll reflectively kick ’em! Or we’ll bite ’em! Or we’ll shoot ’em. I don’t know yet, but we have a lot of options, as you can see.”
Since announcing his reelection bit in 2024, Joe Biden’s favorability rating sharply went underwater with men, women, Latinos, the LGBTQ community, the Obamas, unsuspecting children, African Americans, and his family. Now, after his well-publicized insult aimed at the dog-faced ponies, he may as well write them off too.
“We’ll be glad when things go back to normal,” sighed Lieutenant Duke Biscuit. “We just want to go back to eating hay, chasing Frisbees, and fighting wars. Is that too much to ask?”
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