WASHINGTON, DC — Because Joe Biden’s German Shepherd is on a personal mission to maul every last person inside the White House, ‘Major’ has taken a massive lead in 2024 Republican polling.
On Tuesday, Major broke both his chains and somehow penetrated the situation room. Once in the room, he bit the asses of all twenty-two members of Biden’s National Security Council, leaving six dead.
“Thank goodness ol’ Major went easy on them,” Jill Biden said. “We’ve seen much worse.”
Many within the White House believe the German Shepherd is a huge Trump supporter and is orchestrating a textbook insurrection.
Donald Trump has been made aware of his slip to second place behind the dog in the poll.
“I think this poll might be correct. I’ve always said, we need a fighter, but Major is proving we may actually need a biter,” Trump said.
As the dog’s popularity skyrockets, Fox News is rumored to have offered Major a weekend show alongside Greg Gutfeld called “Gut & Mut”. Major took the meeting with Fox executives, but it turns out he only wanted in the building so he could maul Chris Wallace.
Update: Most gun manufacturers are adding a ferocious German Shepherd to the end of all AR-15s as a possible modification.
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