In a rare moment of extreme honesty, Joe Biden admitted he joined many Americans in collectively sharting their pants following Tuesday’s election results.
“In began as a red wave and turned into a brown wave,” he sorrowfully said putting his head down. “I was in Air Force One when the results came in and we may as well rename it Air Force Two. It was awful. No joke–Buttigieg is still cleaning the plane.”
With election results signaling a rejection of his agenda, many are asking Biden what he plans to change.
“Definitely my pants,” he loudly whispered into the microphone. “But I do agree voters deserve more. So today, I’m signing an executive order which mandates I only wear brown suits.”
Despite all the bad news and embarrassing press conference, a CBS poll now finds 98% of Americans believe Joe Biden is ‘extremely capable’ of doing his presidential duties regardless of time or place.
Update: Joe Biden will now require Depends to be worn by all Federal employees and workforces of businesses with 100+ employees.
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