PHILADELPHIA, PA– Joe Biden could no longer contain his wrath concerning MAGA-run red states. While speaking in hell, Joe Biden was handed the latest economic numbers.
“Oh, that’s it,” Joe said while turning his head away from the paper in disgust. “I’ve had it with this dump! We got no food, we got no jobs, our pets’ heads are falling off!”
Biden got so worked up, a CNN reporter was heard yelling, “Don’t you go dyin’ on me!” as Joe sat down on the stage to catch his breath.
Next, in his prepared remarks, Joe wanted to express how unfortunate the school closures were and that boys and girls desperately love their schooling. However, the teleprompter malfunctioned, and Biden blurted out: “I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy!”
Thankfully, the Netflix executives who green-lit Cuties were in attendance, and that line received a rousing round of applause.
After his strong start, Joe’s speech degraded into the usual gaffe-filled debacle replete with racial slurs and the eventual soiling of his pants. But before he could be carried off the stage, Joe Biden managed to whisper, “orange man bad.”
Upon hearing those three little words, all media in attendance yelled, “He totally redeemed himself!” and they all attempted to exchange high-fives.
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