PARIS — Fictional President Joe Biden may have filled his D-Day tribute ceremony with gaffs, but the world also noticed his pants were filled with warmth, too. And yes, years ago, while visiting the Pope, he also delivered his trademark pants-pooping routine (now known as ‘brown zero’).
Sure, it’s easy to make fun of Joe Biden soiling himself on the world’s stage, but The Glorious American has chosen to be classy and point out how this actually shows the leadership Americans desperately need.
1.) Vladimir Putin is now on his heels. Reportedly, Vlad is very rattled at Joe pooping his pants, and he’s already changed the venue of their next summit meeting—a clear sign of weakness. “I don’t want him near my furniture,” Putin offered as an excuse.
2.) Biden put all toilet paper hoarding anxiety to rest. “Whatever would I do without toilet paper!” millions of Americans were screaming in 2020. What a great service Joe did for us by pooping his pants and putting those fears to bed forever. If the leader of the free world could so easily be hosed down by the secret service—why should any of us worry?
3.) Joe Biden handles his presidency the way a graceful and carefree horse would. Be honest; you’ve never once driven by a field of horses without seeing one slowly lift its tail and begin dumping massive, softball-size poops all over the place. Think of how comforting that is for millions of Americans to know their president has that same beautiful, carefree demeanor.
4.) Joe Biden doesn’t take any s*** from anyone–even himself. A petty man holds on to stress and baggage. But Joseph sent us all a powerful message. “Just let it go, man,” was the chunky lesson we needed in these stressful times. Donald Trump, in an effort to be viewed as a ‘macho man,’ would have totally held it in.
5.) The Biden administration will always drop little opportunities for the working class. Moments after he pooped his pants, low-level Vatican employees were seen running to brown-zero with pressure washers and hand scrubbers. It was a sight to behold. No matter how high Biden climbs in this world, janitors will always have a special place behind him. And let’s not forget the dry cleaning team that accompanies the president 24 hours a day.
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