HOLLYWOOD, CA—Alec Baldwin says he wants to ‘shoot straight’ with the Academy and alert them of some glaring safety shortcomings he witnessed at the Oscars. “I’m watching the awards, and I began thinking, look at how vulnerable everyone is. Sitting ducks,” Baldwin said during a 20/20 interview. “At any moment, some wreckless actor with great…
Category: Entertainment
Jaws Remake Aims To Terrify Liberals By Having The Shark Fire Off Mean Tweets
HOLLYWOOD, CA–Many are claiming Universal Pictures has gone too far with its remake of their 1975 classic, Jaws. The 2021 film is called Jaws Tweets and it’s just too frightening, they say. In the new film, the shark does not attack any swimmers but rather fires off a series of mean tweets directed towards the…
Joe Biden Looking Forward To Plagiarizing Bill Pullman’s Speech From Independence Day
WASHINGTON, DC—After much infighting, the Biden White House will begrudgingly allow the fictional President to steal Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film, Independence Day. “We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to…
Jimmy Kimmel Accidentally Dresses Up As Obama To Apologize For Blackface
HOLLYWOOD, CA– An unfortunate mistake for Jimmy Kimmel as the late-night host accidentally apologizes for doing blackface as Barrack Obama. Kimmel’s reasoning was simple, an ABC spokesman explained. “Everyone is so mad at Jimmy and no one’s ever mad at Obama. He figured this would work.” The apology skit featured Kimmel doing a poor impression of Obama…
BREAKING: Biden Insists On Pardoning Amber Heard For Pooping In Bed
WASHINGTON, DC–Despite his staff telling him no crime was committed, fictional president Joe Biden is insisting Johnny Depp’s ex-wife, Amber Heard receive a pardon for pooping in the bed. “Her actions were so normal and natural–no joke. I mean c’mon man, we’ve all roll played. Jimmy Derp was Charlie and the broad was playing the chocolate factory!” Joe told…