This Halloween, Paramount Pictures will be rereleasing their 1960’s, hit Psycho. Only this time, they’ve digitally edited out Norman Bates for perhaps the most terrifying villain ever to hit the screen. The 91-year-old insurrectionist, who goes by ‘Meemaw,’ has given many Americans nightmare fuel after slowly shuffling through the Capitol building holding a knife she…
Category: Entertainment
CDC Accidentally Used ‘Which Friends Character Are You?’ Test To Determine COVID Positivity Rate
On Monday CDC director, Rochelle Walensky admitted that all hospitals and pharmacies used the ‘Which Friends character are you?’ test to determine whether a person had contracted COVID-19. All Monicas, Chandlers, Rosses, and Pheobes were positive. Joeys and Rachels were negative, and any Gunthers were given a bleach IV drip. In New York, it was learned that all Chandlers…
LeBron James’ Space Jam 2 Goes Straight To VHS
The opening weekend of Michael Jordan’s 1996 Space Jam grossed over $27 million. LeBron James’ attempt at a remake is just gross. Therefore Warner Bros. has made the unique decision to send Space Jam 2 straight to VHS. Many suspect the new version has suffered because LeBron and the Toons lose in the first round of the playoffs, which gives James plenty…
Joe Biden Looking Forward To Plagiarizing Bill Pullman’s Speech From Independence Day
After much infighting, the Biden White House will begrudgingly allow the fictional President to steal Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film, Independence Day. “We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to give…
Judge Grants Britney Spears’ Dad Conservatorship Over Joe Biden
In a move many were predicting, a California judge has granted Britney Spears’ father, Jamie Spears, conservatorship over Joe Biden. Biden, who recently shaved his head and began acting more insane than usual, was livid when he heard the announcement. “What!? Does this mean I can’t get pregnant?” He yelled shaking his fist at the…