Great news for you party animals out there. Nightclubs throughout America have re-opened their doors, but due to the coronavirus, will allow only one dancer at a time. “We think this is a great compromise,” Miami Club owner, Joe-Joe Bananas told The Glorious American. We’ve decided to open The Slippy Banana Peel so people—I mean…
Despite his aids begging for him not to, Joe Biden insisted on serenading his Detroit audience with the National Anthem. However, his staff’s worst fears were realized when he promptly began singing ‘Baby Shark’. “We knew whatever came out of his mouth wouldn’t come close to the National Anthem,” said campaign manager, Greg Schultz. “But…
While speaking at a South Carolina rally, Pete Buttigieg rattled off a list of things America needs. But he finished his plea with a rather curious item. “This nation needs affordable housing! And what this nation needs is a living wage!” the mayor said, each idea getting thunderous applause. “And what this nation needs, now…
Americans are beginning to worry about a Bernie Sanders presidency after the Vermont Senator announced his cabinet would consist of the hyenas from The Lion King. Naturally, GOP critics have been quick to point out the problem with dozens of carnivorous dogs running the executive branch. As criticism mounted, Sanders felt the pressure…
