Nightclubs Re-open, Allow One Dancer At A Time

Nightclubs Re-open, Allow One Dancer At A Time

Great news for you party animals out there.  Nightclubs throughout America have re-opened their doors, but due to the coronavirus, will allow only one dancer at a time. “We think this is a great compromise,” Miami Club owner, Joe-Joe Bananas told The Glorious American.  We’ve decided to open The Slippy Banana Peel so people—I mean…

Biden Insists On Singing National Anthem For Crowd, Accidentally Sings Baby Shark

Biden Insists On Singing National Anthem For Crowd, Accidentally Sings Baby Shark

Despite his aids begging for him not to, Joe Biden insisted on serenading his Detroit audience with the National Anthem. However, his staff’s worst fears were realized when he promptly began singing ‘Baby Shark’. “We knew whatever came out of his mouth wouldn’t come close to the National Anthem,” said campaign manager, Greg Schultz. “But…

Pete Buttigieg Lists Things America Needs, Accidentally Includes Mike Pence Wall Calendar

Pete Buttigieg Lists Things America Needs, Accidentally Includes Mike Pence Wall Calendar

While speaking at a South Carolina rally, Pete Buttigieg rattled off a list of things America needs. But he finished his plea with a rather curious item. “This nation needs affordable housing! And what this nation needs is a living wage!” the mayor said, each idea getting thunderous applause. “And what this nation needs, now…

Report: Bernie Sanders Plans to Round Out Cabinet With the Hyenas

Report: Bernie Sanders Plans to Round Out Cabinet With the Hyenas

Americans are beginning to worry about a Bernie Sanders presidency after the Vermont Senator announced his cabinet would consist of the hyenas from The Lion King.   Naturally, GOP critics have been quick to point out the problem with dozens of carnivorous dogs running the executive branch.   As criticism mounted, Sanders felt the pressure…

CNN Wins Oscar For Best Original Editing

CNN Wins Oscar For Best Original Editing

The folks at CNN had a great Sunday night as they locked up the award for best original editing. And credit where credit’s due. On a nightly basis, CNN has been taking world events and uniquely editing them in a colossal way. The academy singled out some of CNN’s best work throughout the year in…