On Monday CDC director, Rochelle Walensky admitted that all hospitals and pharmacies used the ‘Which Friends character are you?’ test to determine whether a person had contracted COVID-19. All Monicas, Chandlers, Rosses, and Pheobes were positive. Joeys and Rachels were negative, and any Gunthers were given a bleach IV drip. In New York, it was learned that all Chandlers…
Category: Entertainment
LeBron James’ Space Jam 2 Goes Straight To VHS
The opening weekend of Michael Jordan’s 1996 Space Jam grossed over $27 million. LeBron James’ attempt at a remake is just gross. Therefore Warner Bros. has made the unique decision to send Space Jam 2 straight to VHS. Many suspect the new version has suffered because LeBron and the Toons lose in the first round of the playoffs, which gives James plenty…
Joe Biden Looking Forward To Plagiarizing Bill Pullman’s Speech From Independence Day
After much infighting, the Biden White House will begrudgingly allow the fictional President to steal Bill Pullman’s famous speech from the 1996 film, Independence Day. “We know it’s going to be a bad look for us,” Susan Rice said. “But Joe looks forward to plagiarizing this speech every year so badly. We have to give…
Judge Grants Britney Spears’ Dad Conservatorship Over Joe Biden
In a move many were predicting, a California judge has granted Britney Spears’ father, Jamie Spears, conservatorship over Joe Biden. Biden, who recently shaved his head and began acting more insane than usual, was livid when he heard the announcement. “What!? Does this mean I can’t get pregnant?” He yelled shaking his fist at the…
Jaws Remake Aims To Terrify Americans By Having The Shark Fire Off Mean Tweets
Many are claiming Universal Pictures has gone too far with its remake of their 1975 classic, Jaws. The 2021 film is called Jaws Tweets and it’s just too frightening, they say. In the new film, the shark does not attack any swimmers but rather fires off a series of mean tweets directed towards the citizens…