TRENTON, NJ – Every good campaign demands two things. One, a video showing the candidate awkwardly pointing at objects while strolling through a factory wearing a hard hat, and two, footage of white-hot, sexy, half-nude tennis playing. After Vivek aroused the nation with a video of himself playing shirtless tennis earlier this week, the Christie…
Category: Sports
Not One Student At LeBron's 'I Promise' School Has Made It Past The First Page Of Any Book
AKRON, OH —It’s well known that LeBron James holds the all-time record among all NBA players (and non-NBA players) for cracking open a culturally popular book and only reading the first page. Now it seems his entire ‘I Promise School’ student body is following his lead. “The odds an eighth-grader can read at ‘I Promise’…
Bombshell: Emails Show NFL Personnel Referred To A Team As ‘The Redskins’ From 1937 Through 2019
MANHATTAN, NY—Despite their congress-like reputation of purity and professionalism, it seems scandal has broken out within the NFL offices. And you’re going to want to sit down for this one. Email records show that from 1937 through 2019, high-ranking (and low-ranking) NFL officials called a team “the Redskins” roughly 14.2 million times. One particularly damning…
Fox News Hires Consultant LeBron James To Help Fix Rating Problems
NEW YORK, NY — After Fox News fired their wildly popular primetime host, Tucker Carlson, few could have predicted Americans would stop watching the channel. Thankfully, star basketball dribbler and notable high school graduate LeBron James has graciously offered to help FNC with its newest rating disaster. “I’ve seen this before,” James said, walking to…
Now Rich And Retired, Megan Rapinoe And Sue Bird Vow To End Women's Sports
SEATTLE, WA – America’s favorite pair of athletes have retired from whatever sports they were trying to play. And now, they have a new mission: Completely end sports for all women. “We don’t need these anymore,” Rapinoe said about all women’s leagues. “Have you seen the endorsement check I got from Subway? There are literally…