The opening weekend of Michael Jordan’s 1996 Space Jam grossed over $27 million. LeBron James’ attempt at a remake is just gross. Therefore Warner Bros. has made the unique decision to send Space Jam 2 straight to VHS. Many suspect the new version has suffered because LeBron and the Toons lose in the first round of the playoffs, which gives James plenty…
Category: Sports
Shark Who Identifies As Female Swimmer Poised To Compete In Summer Olympics
America’s heart was warmed this week when news broke that Sharon, a transitioning Mako Shark from California, was accepted to compete in the Summer Olympics. But after it was announced that Sharon would be swimming in the women’s 100-meter freestyle, the bigots started coming forward. “I’m not comfortable swimming next to a shark,” an Australian…
Dr. Fauci Added To US Gymnast Team After More Impressive Flipping And Flopping
After a recent MSNBC interview where Dr. Fauci contradicted himself a record 32 times, the head coach of the USA gymnastics squad frantically called up the brilliant doctor. “Did I really just see you pirouette into a double flip followed by a 180° flop on live TV?” he asked Fauci. “Well, perhaps you did,” he…
LeBron James Blames Lakers Playoff Exit On Cancel Culture
LeBron James is accusing all fifteen members of the Phoenix Suns of cancel culture after his Los Angeles Lakers were eliminated from the playoffs. “I now understand the toxic nature of cancel culture,” James told reporters. “You shouldn’t have your dreams stopped just because another group of guys want you gone.” LeBron averaged 23 points per…