Ottawa, CA — We now have an answer about what caused the smoky haze that’s molesting everyone harder than Joe Biden at the bottom of a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.
“Here they are. The Prime Minister’s pants. He lied so aggressively that they burst into flames, and we believe this is the origin of the wildfire,” the Chief said, holding up the still-smoldering dress slacks.
In response to the discovery, Trudeau quickly conducted a press conference.
When the Prime Minister entered the room, a media member shouted, “Did you start the fire because you’re always lying?”
Trudeau reflexively replied, ‘No,’ and his trousers immediately went ablaze. A fire extinguisher was promptly used, and the press conference continued after a dozen staffers stomped on the leader.
“Everyone in North America is coughing and suffocating due to the air quality. But I have no interest in clearing the air they breathe. Because this is aboot clearing my good name!” He exclaimed as everyone cautiously eyed his pants.
“It is true that earlier this week, I may have called up Dylan Mulvaney and spent roughly one hour telling her how convincing she is as a woman, and my pants began to overheat. I would like to tell you it was because Miss Mulvaney was making me excitable, but I want to be truthful now, eh? Also, because I think that fire extinguisher is getting low.”
Update: For the act of burning down a third of the continent, Canadians have decided to issue Justin Trudeau an official warning. As a reminder that lying will, in fact, cause one’s pants to catch on fire, the charred remains of the infamous pair of pants will be displayed in the same museum that houses Lewinsky’s blue dress.
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