Los Angeles, CA — We now have an answer about what caused the ferocious blaze that’s molesting everyone in Southern California harder than Joe Biden at the bottom of a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit.
“Yep, just as we thought. Here they are. Waist size 31, ultra slim fit.” A Burbank fire chief yelled, holding up Gavin Newsom’s still smoldering pants. “He lied so aggressively that they burst into flames, and we believe this is the origin of the wildfire.”
In response to the discovery, Newsom quickly conducted a press conference.
When the governor entered the room, a media member shouted, “Did you start the fire because you’re always lying?”
Newsome reflexively replied, ‘No!’ and his trousers immediately went ablaze again. A fire extinguisher was promptly used, and the press conference continued after a dozen staffers stomped all over him.
“Yes, 22% of Californians are on fire. That part is true. But we need to look at who is to blame. It’s clearly Donald J. Trump. Hey! Look me in the eyes!” He exclaimed as everyone cautiously eyed his pants.
Curiously, a nervous-looking Newsom then began telling the truth about the lie that started the fires.
“Anyways, I may have called up Dylan Mulvaney and spent roughly one hour telling her how convincing she is as a woman, and my pants began to overheat. I would like to tell you it was because Miss Mulvaney was making me excitable, but I want to be truthful now,” Gavin admitted. “Mostly because I see that fire extinguisher is getting low.”
Update: Newsome’s infamous pair of pants will be displayed in the same museum that houses Lewinsky’s blue dress.
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